Monday, July 14, 2008

Night

Remembering,
Your hand in mine,
Our fingers intertwined
Through the moonlit dark.
We would sit atop the cold stone wall,
On top of the world.

Remembering you,
The warmth of your body
Holding onto mine,
And the haven you were
To me.

Remembering us,
Your shadow welded to mine.
The mirroring lake
And the moon beneath the waves.

Remembering then,
And the sweet scent of crimson roses
That perfumed the night sky.
And the full, white moon
Lighting our path into serenity.

29 comments:

Maddie said...

good............

no, amazing but whatever........

Bela said...

Well, thanks.....but whatever.

Kidding! A little mocking never hurt anyone, did it?

Maddie said...

lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no.

Bela said...

Oh Maddie...you're sitting right next to me and you and I are going to have some words.

Maddie said...

oooooooooo i'm scared!

Kenzie/Noodle said...

you write about love alot don't you bells? awww.

Bela said...

Be scared, Maddie. Be very scared.

Yeah Noodle. I do because it is the best form of inspiration.

Andrew said...

Haha, lemme add another stanza to this.

Patrick with Areosmith pumping through his ears,
locked deep in "Walk this way" rhyme,
suddenly I realized my fears,
He was listening the whole freakin' time!

Andrew said...

Haha, I realized you put up my blog on your fabulous five (+ me)

Bela said...

Haha! Yeah, that stanza could fit pretty well...I actually forgot to add a stanza, oh well.

Yeah, the Fabulous Five is a group that is apparently "SO disney", but it's what my CWP friends and I call ourselves.

Kenzie/Noodle said...

hey andrew wats ur blog url?

Kenzie/Noodle said...

oh and bells, plz comment on my blog too :( maddie is being a butt and wont comment.

Maddie said...

i commented!!!!!!!!!!!1
i have like 1 comment on my blog though.

Bela said...

I'll go to both of yours...I promise!

Kenzie/Noodle said...

thnx you cuz my blog is new and stuff and i write horribly so......

Bela said...

You do not write horribly! You are amazing!

Kenzie/Noodle said...

aww thnx you. Well i have trouble coming up w/ ideas and how to start stuff

Bela said...

Well, just focus on the writing exercises we worked on today. That should spark some creativity! Also, maybe write about the leftover feelings you have for Matt? Just a thought. It could be really good!

Andrew said...

Oh sorry for not getting back earlier! my blog url is:

www.thebookfreak.wordpress.com

or you can use

http://thebookfreak.wordpress.com

~A

Gina said...

Well, not ALL of us refer to ourselves as "The Fabulous Five",*ahem!* so you can gladly take my place, Andrew. Goodness knows you're in the inner circle more than anyone...

Oh and by the way, Bela, I love the calm images of this poem. Nice detail about the shadows. You could give this to an artist and they would be able to draw exactly what this looks like.

Gina said...

Ya might wanna make it "our fingers intertwined" PLURAL, instead of what you have written (our finger intertwined). I don't think you share a finger with this other person. But it's a dream, so whatever.

Bela said...

Oh, whoops! I'll get right on that...and you are part of the Fab 5!

Maria said...

I felt this poem was perhaps appropriate...

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
-Christina Rosetti.

Bela said...

Wow, very appropriate. Could you be implying something? Just kidding.

Maria said...

I'm not insinuating that the hand-holding "love interest" in the poem is going to die or anything. The Christina Rosetti poem I posted earlier was set to music which I sang with the Western Region (Conn.) choir (http://www.cmea.org/) this year. It's a really moving a cappella piece; very pretty, and the title, "Remember Me", basically screamed at me while reading your piece.

I find it curious that you chose the title "Night" instead of the most obvious title, "Remembering" or something else. You only mention the word "night" once (in the last stanza, no less) while the word "moon" is written three times in various forms. I'm not saying this was a bad decision: it helps to set the reader up for a nighttime frame of mind-- an instant reference point, or picture, if you will.

Bela said...

I know, but the title just seemed to fit.

Gina said...

Okay, you asked for suggestions... I think this is one of the best poems on your blog. You might have to hunt around to the different posts to look for other comments I might make, I hope that won't be too much of a burden for you. :) I suggest that you don't include (too many) poems that are very specific to you that would not be understood by people who aren't familiar with your situation.

Adam said...

This is an amazing piece of work. =) Dreams always can can make meaningful works. I can't wait till you write more. =D

`~Adam~`

Bela said...

Aw, thanks Adam! That's actually how most authors find their topics...

You haven't posted on your blog in a while. Where are you?