Monday, July 21, 2008

Hidden By Pain

We hide deep below,
Just below the ground.
In fear of the fiends,
the people we once knew.

We are unsure
of what might come.
Of who we can trust,
If traitors lurk among us.

The stiff boards below us
and the cold walls closing in
remind us that there will be an end.
There is too little air
in this small room,
and we may not be free again.

Still we hide,
cowering in the darkness.
Afraid of all who surround us.
It is now that our closest friends
become strangers.

In the darkness,
We pray for freedom,
for strength and mobility.
And above all,
the courage to overcome
the pain.

19 comments:

Gina said...

This makes more sense now that I know it is about the Holocaust. Maybe you could make that clearer to the reader through a different, perhaps more specific title

Bela said...

I'll try to do that. Thanks Gina!

Gina said...

Maybe "Hidden By Fear" or "Hidden From Hate"?

Andrew said...

I think, and yes I know this is a title of a book, but it should be among the hidden. It makes sense because they are hiding from the Nazis, but anyone of them could be a Nazi insurgent, and they are in a close knit group of people, and as it had happened many times in WWII, to confirm that they were jews, the Nazis would send soldiers to be insurgents. I just thought it fit.

Bela said...

Hmm...perhaps!

Actually, they all might work! I'll play around with the titles to see if they can work!

Gina said...

Maybe a title with the word paranoia in it somewhere? But I like Andrew's idea a lot- the book with the same title is from 1998 (the author is Margaret Peterson Haddix, who has written some fabulous and entertaining younger reader/YA scif-fi and other fiction ) and it's not in this genre at all, so you won't have any problems if you choose to use this title.

Maria said...

You did notice that in the third stanza you wrote "There there is..." right?
(Bela: "Riiiiiight.")

All the periods in here are driving me crazy. I don't know why (I guess it's my nitpicky-editor sense) but they are. Some (okay, most) of them are just unnecessary and look wrong to my eyes. Maybe you totally intended for it to be that way, but it's bothering the heck out of me.
The only periods you should keep are:
*the ones at the end of a stanza
*the one after the word "end" in the third stanza
*the one after "us" in the fourth stanza.

I can't really say much more about anything in this poem. Great imagery and everything we always say about your poetry and whatever.....

Bela said...

Whoops! I'll have to change that! And thanks Maria!

Gina said...

Weston decided to secede from CWP today??

Andrew said...

Hey I know everyone reads all bela's comments, and I posted two new reviews, so hit up www.thebookfreak.wordpress.com to check 'em out!

Adam said...

These are all awesome! Great work!! I can't wait for another. =)

Bela said...

Hey Adam! Thanks! I'll post some more tomorrow!

Adam said...

Hurray!!!!!!!!!! =P

Gina said...

HIP HIP, HURRAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Maria said...

Yay.....?

Bela said...

Well aren't you a lively-spirited bunch.

Bela said...

Especially you Maria.

Gina said...

Hye, the rubber chicken has to count for something, right?

Bela said...

Of course, of course. Silly me...