100 little soldiers
lined up at the stakes.
100 little minds,
each reliving their mistakes.
They played in Daddy's uniform,
when they were too young to stand.
They knew the stripes they wore
were theirs when they could command.
All those years of waiting
and all those moments never taken.
They were all for one single dream.
Yet that dream was forsaken.
They didn't know what to fight for,
those little toys of war.
But they were always proud to be
the little soldiers of the big sea.
lined up at the stakes.
100 little minds,
each reliving their mistakes.
They played in Daddy's uniform,
when they were too young to stand.
They knew the stripes they wore
were theirs when they could command.
All those years of waiting
and all those moments never taken.
They were all for one single dream.
Yet that dream was forsaken.
They didn't know what to fight for,
those little toys of war.
But they were always proud to be
the little soldiers of the big sea.
19 comments:
First and Last stanzas - Why don't they seem right? How can I change that?
These are the questions that haunt me...
Because they are very different in line length, and that bothers your sense of symmetry. You can change that by, well, I don't know... I like the first stanza, it has a nice rhythm to it; the last one could duse a bit of tweaking.
Then tweak I shall! Thank you :)
Haha! I'm still excited!!!
LOOOOVE it!
So different from your other stuff and yet pretty much the same. LOVE the imagery/symbolism/etc.
Gina says: "I think it's... the expectations of us mold us into different stereotypes?"
Hope your solo went well at your concert tonight! Our concert tonight was HILARIOUS for various reasons.... and then I made the mistake of asking a girl I sort of know if she was looking for her boyfriend and she told me he broke up with her on Saturday. *Fail*
Haha! Thanks! Gina is spot on!
Ooh, nice Maria. I'm kidding, I'm kidding! That's got to be awkward, though.
So your concert went well? Pray tell, what happened?
WHAT HAPPENED: The band played. The female group sang. The orchestra played. The band played. The chamber choir sang. The full choir sang. We all played and sang together. People clapped and cheered and gave a standing ovation. We wore tuxedoes and white button-down shirts. Someone stole pointsettas. Old people didn't get their pointsettas. Wondered with Mom why someone would steal a pointsetta. Flirted awkwardly with a guy. Realized the reports of snow outside were true. Went home. Put off doing homework. Went to sleep around midnight.
^^^oooOOOoooh! *gushes*
*speculates*
*decides internet is not the place to discuss this subject*
FYI Gina forgot to tell of my page-turning prowess! I turned pages for the (INSANELY AWESOME) pianist when women's ensemble was singing... some crazy fingering/speed/jumps/etc.!!!! Day-yum!
Wow! That sounds...eventful!
Gina? Flirting? I can't exactly imagine that...but okay!
Haha! Maria, you know me too well to know that I will NOT let that go. SPILL!
By the way, did you guys know that if you type in, "heart on paper - bela" into a Google search bar, my blog comes up first?!? It was rather exciting...
Take a look at this blog, it could be helpful: http://thebookshelfmuse.blogspot.com/
Then again, you're more of a poet than a fiction writer, but who knows? Maybe you'll get some interesting idea for little details.
DELETE THAT!!! My mom sometimes reads this...AND THAT WAS NEVER TRULY PROVEN AS FACT!!!
Ooh, did I offend you? My bad :(
No, it's just that I'd never expect you to be "that type". You always seemed like that kind of person who doesn't need guys...
Thanks for that URL, Gina! I'll definitely check that out...
Gina said "RE: Googling "Heart on paper- bela" Well, I would assume that this is the only blog on the Web with this exact title, she said dryly."
Wowww Gina... laying the Wagenquoting on a little thick, eh?
And Bela, I haven't asked yet, so there's nothing to spill....
Ha! I deleted the comment myself!
Maria, what haven't you asked? I'm very confused...Vacation, what can you do?
Actually, a lot. Never mind.
It was no big deal anyway, Bela, I'm surprised you're hanging onto this so much.
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know...
Then let's change the subject.
So...
Writing...
Poetry...
Books...
PACHICEPHELASAURUS! (sp?)
Just thought I'd throw that out there.
PACHYCEPHALOSAURUS.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pachycephalosaurus
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