Sunday, November 23, 2008

Falling

I held on as long as I could,
but you kept pulling me down.
I cried out for you to set me free.
But I never moved from the ground.

And now I have fallen,
I'm farther back than before.
There's no place for me here,
I'm not wanted anymore.

Do you really know me?
Will you apologize, let me go?
If you cry me a river from above,
I'll try not to drown from below.

But you don't know me,
you don't wear these chains.
And you'll never know me,
you'll never feel my pain.

Tell yourself you're helping me,
that it's all for the best.
Tell me that I should love you,
that I should feel blessed.

It's hard to tell,
are you lost in all your lies?
Maybe soon you'll remember
why it's you I despise.

13 comments:

Bela said...

Okay, third stanza, last two lines: I think the rhyming scheme sounds messed up if you read it to yourself. Should I mess up the stanza patterns and add two new lines for the last two words of each line?

Example of normal stanza:
_____________
_____________
_____________
_____________

Example of new stanza:

_____________
_____________
_____________
_______
_____________
_______

If you look above, you'll see that the rhyming pattern will be alright, but not the stanza pattern. Help, please!

Gina said...

No, I thought that stanza was fine, actually; it's some of the other ones that I'm not so sure about, just because of the inconsistency of length. If you weren't going for symmetry, I think you did a great job. Feelings shouldn't be symmetrical anyway.

So, you came to our show? Thanks a bunch! :) You must have jetted out of there, though, I was looking around for a while :(

And then you went to the wedding... I know the feeling of being at a family party and you're supposed to feel happy, but you really just want everyone to go home and leave you alone.

Maria said...

Yeah....

Call me or Gina if you get this before tomorrow (yeah, right).

Bela said...

Oh! Thanks, then! Yeah...I agree. Poems shouldn't be too fake...in that sense.

Yup! I went! You guys were SO good! I'm so sorry I couldn't see you! We had to leave early :( But my friends loved it! :)

I wanted to be happy at the wedding, I really did. And for brief periods of time, I really was. But then I went spiraling back into states of mild depression. :(

Yup, life is rough, especially when your sister manages to get great grades, sports awards for varsity, fantastic friends, and ends up having a boyfriend that meets all your standards...and then I'm friendless, athletically challenged (otherwise known as a spastic...), and just getting out of a relationship that could have scarred me for life. Who knows what first boyfriend experiences can do to my fragile, innocent, 8th grade mind? So basically, yeah, life can be your friend, or your worst enemy. And right now, my best friend is my blog. =/

Bela said...

By the way, should I still call?

Gina said...

Um, no, it's all right, I think...

Gina said...

Your 2nd to last comment sounded like a pitch for a YA book. :)

Bela said...

I'm so confused. Which comment? What's a YA book? Young Adult? Curse those abbreviations...

Bela said...

And do you guys think I should change the title?

Bela said...

I'm thinking of changing the title to, "Fallen". What do you think?

Gina said...

Yes, Young Adult.
--------------
Maybe?
--------------
What about "Falling Off" or "Hanging On"?

Bela said...

I'm SO good :)
Okay...I like those! I'll surprise you with the title...:)

Maria said...

Don't worry... you're probably not as athletically challenged as your Twilight namesake....