Sunday, November 16, 2008

Fall Apart

You were staring into space,
you were waiting once again.
Patience took you for everything
you were worth.

Sit down for a moment,
spill your heart onto the ground.
Tell me your secrets,
tell me your fears.
Tell me, and all will be different.

When he left,
he turned the lights off.
you were abandoned.
You were alone once more.
And you cried over him.

You looked at those pictures
of the two of you,
until they were old and worn.
The colors had faded away,
just like your love for life.

So you sit here now,
your expression blank.
Do you know what to think?
Do you know what to feel?

Don't speak of misery
if you can't feel pain.
Remember these words
and maybe you won't fall
apart again.


Gina said...

You rwally like using the 2nd person, don't you? I agree that it is sometimes far easier to say "you" or "she" instead of "I". Call it redistribution of guilt.

Meep. The last stanza sounds like the half-time chorus of a rock ballad. Sung by Avril Lavigne. Which is not a bad thing.

Gina said...

Or maybe sung by the Plain White Ts. I don't know... you got my email, right?

Maria said...

Wtf is up with your profile pic Gina??? What is it?

Bela said...

Is your profile picture a nymph? Or a woodland faerie?

Yeah, using second person narration makes it easier to relive moments or "experiences".

Avril Lavigne I understand...but the Plain White T's? Come on can do better than that!

Hey Maria! Long time no see! What's up?

Bela said...

Also, question: Is the rhyming-ish scheme okay here? And what about the title? What's a better title for this?

Gina said...

Re: My profile pic

It's a dreaming (faerie-type) girl.

With wings.

I find the rhyme scheme a bit awkward since it is inconsistent throughout.

I agree that the title isn't the greatest for this one, maybe a better title would be "Fall Apart".

What's wrong with the Plain White Ts? I mean, hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like your comment.

Gina said...

Actually, I changed it back to butterflies. I forgot.

Any idea who wrote "Railroad Tracks" and why the link to it on the CWP blog isn't working?

Maria said...

what are you talking about- railroad tracks?

Bela said...

Ah. I was close! But butterflies are cool! Fall Apart...good idea! I'll change it!

Yeah, the rhyme scheme is a little off...but that's me. I'll work on that! Oh, Gina...what about that WRITING CHALLENGE?!?! ***!!!GONG!!!***

Bela said...

By the way - I have nothing against the Plain White T's...but Hey There Delilah kind of killed my much inconsistency! But they're okay...

And Maria is right...what's this about Railroad Tracks?

Gina said...

CWP is on your blog list, and the title of the latest post is underneath it. Before I posted my odd little piece last night, the link read "Railroad Tracks", but when I clicked on the link, it told me the page didn't exist. It's not in the posts in draft form. Maybe someone deleted their own piece off the site?

Bela said...

It's possible. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. It happens a lot.