Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hollow Thoughts

Your eyes imprison
a soul that lies in wait.
My heart echoes,
hollow beats drifting
into deaf ears.
Each memory
sinks beyond reach,
my hand reaching for your heart
as I fall into you.
break weak promises
that withstood the test of time.
Thoughts struggle
to break free of marrow cages,
bones crushing to dust
under a vacant frame.
My eyes bleed
the pain withheld,
undoubtedly broken
for all of eternity.
Lesson by lesson
you slip past me,
until I am truly alone.


Gina said...

(sorry this took me so long!)

What I like about this poem is the repetition of different images that add to the idea of hollowness. Everything seemed very fragile and on the verge of breaking. If you really wanted to, it might be even stronger to switch up the last few lines so that they reflect hollowness more than aloneness.

The word choice of "lesson by lesson" is a little odd, and it makes me think there is a reason behind it...perhaps related to the person this poem is aimed at, if any exists?

Bela said...

I missed you!

Well, the line "Lesson by lesson" can reflect any relationship, seeing as lessons are learned each day...but in this case, yes, it was aimed towards a certain person in my life.

I like the idea of switching the original thought was to play out the thought process, post-event...but I think keeping the theme would bring a lot more balance to the piece. Bravo :)

Thanks for returnin' :)

T.A. Chance said...

"Thoughts struggle to break free of marrow cages, bones crushing to dust under a vacant frame." ------Wonderful. Such a powerful image of self-destruction from mistake, wordlessness capturing your being.


Bela said...

Wow, thanks so much! That's an incredible explanation, very deep - and also exactly the reaction I was looking for.

Thank you!