Sunday, January 16, 2011

Breaking Me

Smile for me,
and your poisonous daggers seize
my very being
as I, your molded mistake,
begin to chip,
You laugh;
titillated by this sensational defeat
that, finally, your eyes can attend.
I close my heart
and shut your door,
each affliction fading,
my scarred mind
making you disappear -
with no memories of you,
I'll forget how to cry.
Smile for me;
satisfy my sore self
with a final goodbye.
Soon this glass will shatter
and red teardrops will cascade
down burning cheeks,
and you will have lost me
beyond recall.
Sing for me, Mommy;
hush little baby,
don't you cry.
Now smile for me
and break my heart.


T.A. Chance said...

Where, oh where, have your followers gone? I seem to be the only one continuing to comment. And such a shame it is...

Such anger and...betrayal? this piece. This must be some trial you face with your mother. Tell me how you came up with the repetition, it's marvelous. And the ending lullaby - capturing the hypocrisy of her actions against her little girl.

Well done, dear. The rhyming, it seems unintentional, though it is a little awkward, though. But still, can be a metaphor (unintended) of the random patterns of her ways.

T.A. Chance said...

Oh goodness I critiqued my own comment and botched a sentence. I meant to say that the rhyming, though it seems unintentional, is a little awkward. Your thoughts?

Bela said...

I wish I had more commenters like yourself, you really give me something to think about.

The repetition just came to be. The line, "smile for me," was supposed to be just the opening line, but I had a few ideas for said opening line and just used them all.

Hypocrisy. Exactly. It's like our minds are in synch.

Yes, the rhyming was unintentional and a tad bit awkward. I suppose it could be a metaphor, though I'm considering changing it and removing the rhyming.

T.A. Chance said...

I wouldn't. Though it appears somewhat awkward, it adds an abstract feature to the piece. It's interesting and identifiable. Keep it.

Bela said...

Well, alright. I'm still considering playing around with it, though. I keep thinking this could make an interesting short play. Or rather, the idea that if I strung poems together based on theme and called the groups characters, it could make a short-play. I like that idea.