Days pass
as hollow breaths,
counted one after the other;
our hearts beating in syncopation.
To the steady beat
of no music,
we dance along barren roads,
heel to toe;
waltzing the thin line
between the open road
and an empty promise.
Trembling lips offer
the careless vibrations
of your persistent speech
as we take our steps
forward,
moving as one being.
The dance ends,
and our fingers entwine
while we wait for applause
to swell within deaf ears.
We meander on mindlessly,
waving to the passers
in the streets, miles away,
who watched us dance
from such great heights;
wishing they knew how.
8 comments:
Thanks, now I have "Such Great Heights" stuck in my head... ;P
This all hits too close to home...I've been at band camp for the past week and a half, so I can barely get the show out of my head...gahhhh.
ANYway, as far as the poem itself goes, it seems as though the two people in it are kind of barely keeping it together via improvisation...so obviously they know each other well, but there is some weird space between them; still, the people envy what the two have. Uhhhhhh that's all I got.
Hahaha, great song :) I loved the title, had to fit it in somewhere...and if it hits close to home, I've done my job. SCORE.
Aaand, we have a winner :) Yup, that's what I was going for here...and it's almost as if the people are oblivious to the fact that the dance (the perfect synchronization of two beings) is forced and unnatural...they envy all that they THINK the two share.
Interesting. Your writing is...daring. Bold, to say the least. I noticed you followed my blog: tell your friends. I'm working on something...revolutionary, in the mind of an artist.
Would you like me to tell you what I see? Your work is repetitive, but comforting because each piece has the same rhythmic beauty. "Dancing" is not improvisation, Gina, it is solely the act of trying to move as a pair; letting the rightful leader take charge, but still moving willingly.
You are surprising, Ms. Bela. Your work could potentially change history in the art world, if you use it well. How old are you?
Wow...two comments. That's a plus :) Thanks so much! T.A., I'll definitely spread the word...I have a feeling your work will be well known.
I work to create rhythm in each of my pieces so that each pieces is almost connected - appealing to the eye, on a website, as well as the mind. But Gina was right on many levels - the "dancing" was spontaneous, unrehearsed, and as I said before, very much unnatural. But you're also right; trying to cooperate and move as one being was the main concept of this piece :) Bravo!
Change history? Haha, well, I guess I have a new goal :D Thanks very much! I'm fifteen, and believe me, I'll use it as well as I can.
Very lovely poem.
-French Bean
Thank you! :)
Very Lovely Poem!
Haha, thanks!!
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